Separated

I know you so well; I’ve got you down to the bone
But at the end of the day, we’re still sitting alone
If I could see you again would you tell me the truth?
Could I believe in your words or would I still need your proof?
But I’ll never see you because you left me behind
Left me alone with nothing to find
If we found that one thing then why’d we let go?
You said its not meant to be, but we’ll never know.
A million and one could never fill in your shoes
In the end we’re alone and both of us lose.
I know you so well: I’ve got you down to the bone
But at the end of the day we’re still sitting alone

Anxiety

I have a reoccurring thought
Which I once almost forgot
but fills a dark, encasing slot
In my tormented, gasping core
Behind a rotted, wooden door
Where all hope has lost its hinge
And the thoughts all break and binge
It’s a reoccurring dream
Where I close what makes this scene
Just a thought of faint pretend
Marks the beginning and the end

Over meager means of fright
In the daytime, or in night
I hide a darkness filled with fear
Trapped and hollow: insincere
A growing shadow in my mind
In a place too rough to find
Where all faith is bleak and blind
I have a reoccurring thought
Which my heart has not forgot
And lies on every single breath
Every morning until death
And the thought will never thin
In the end, it will but begin

Schizophrenia

She tells me lies. Her voice disguised.
My mental health’s been compromised.
Words been running through my head
She’s better off dead. She’s better off dead.
Sounds of hers that scare me down
She sings out loud
She sings the ground
Looky here at what she has found:

Silence. For just a second she is still
But her words kill. Her words kill.
Writing down the letters. No the math
It’s a blood bath. It’s a blood bath

Whispers, one by one. They have their fun
And through my head they run. Run. Run.
What’s the message, so lost inside
They know I hide. They know I hide.

I hear her. I hear her scream.
They say “wake up! its just a dream
It can’t be real. Don’t feel. Don’t feel.”
They say it’s not real then they say I’m lying
But I hear her words and I feel her crying
Then they give me a cure. They give me a pill
Silence again. For a second she’s still.
But her words kill. Oh, her words kill.

porcelain

Hello little broken doll
I’m sorry that the snow won’t fall
I’m sorry that you’ve lost your way
On such a dark and desperate day

Hello little broken doll
I’m sorry that you broke and all
I’d make you whole if I had glue
I’d make you one. Id make you, you.

I’m sorry little broken doll
I’m sorry that you hit a wall
Too bad you were only made of glass
You were only built but not made to last

Goodbye little broken doll
I’m sorry that you’re so damn small
I’m sorry that the snow won’t fall
I’m sorry that you broke and all

Goodbye little broken doll
You’re death I can no longer stall
I’m sorry that it ends this way
In a better story you’d live today

Prostitution

Amidst the mist of your lingering kiss
is the mystery and misery of temptation
unexplainable revelation,
unreformed inspiration
consensus of immoral sensation

within an innocent delusion
marked by defined destitution
unrefined desolution
and impure prostitution

in the selling of soul
for a commercialized goal
in shadow of sunlight for a demoralized toll
she pastes pieces together that had once formed a whole

victimized whore
exchanged for a score
darkened by lore
yet desired for more

Her body’s reduction
in a virginal destruction
by undeniable seduction
from a wayward obstruction

was once a state of bliss
but became a miss
amidst the dangerous mist
was your lingering kiss

Sorry Spider! I had to do it.

Wide-eyed widow
Sitting on my window
Crawling up the pane
Washed away by rain
Why am I still afraid?
Your fate has been made
Yet I’m watching still
And over near the sill
Is the shadow of your presence
And the rain’s stark essence
The rains bleak reduction
And the widow’s sad destruction

Wide-eyed widow
No longer on the window
You must have left a mark
Before your world went dark
I’d never miss you here
You’re far too much to fear
But perhaps we can be friends
Is this how this story ends?

Chance

Once upon a dream
There was a boy who lived inside
He lived alone within himself
And lived in places he could hide

He didn’t know he could see
And he didn’t know he cared
Then one day he met her…
And he was kind of scared

He didn’t let himself feel
He didn’t let himself fall
He lived his life inside himself
With his back turned to the wall

But she found her way inside
With a upturned sideways glance
He found himself alone with her
And left the rest to chance

Love Lost

Out there… in the meadow
Where I almost held my breath
You said that we belonged together
And together until death
You promised me the world
and I promised you my hand
How we lost that moment…
I still can’t understand

The sun spread down in coils
You answered then “I do”
There was never just a single instant
When I knew that we were through
The sunshine simply melted
In the word’s we’d never say
And all that’s left is the moment
Of that lovely summer’s day

Lily Loves her Loaded Gun

Lily had a house on memory lane
And this is the story of how Lily went insane:

Her dresses were purple, and stitched up with silk
Her skin was so soft and insipid, like milk
Her hair had pink bows and her eyes hid her malice
And she lived all alone in a dark, empy palace

But the wind blew the bricks off
and her solitude bred
and one day she found a pistol
and stuck it up to her head

Then she looked in the mirror
And thought “what a waste,
I can’t make such a decision
And not in such haste.”

So of course Lily loaded and locked up her gun
And prepared for a day of indescribable fun
She made it a game, she hid in the dark
She waited for the children that would play in the park

Her dresses stained red, her house disappeared
In the town Lily was loathed and detested and feared
Lily was lovely but lived all alone
She was only afraid but had to fend on her own
Lily lost her house and that was her end
But all she had wanted, to begin with, was a friend.

Hell

Is there no way out?

No escape as time goes by?

No where to go?

No stars or sky?

Open up! I want to find the light!

I want the sun and the morning bright

But the windows have sealed me in

and the doors have locked me out

and the people have all left me

so alone…there is no doubt

that

there is no exit

and no escape

not a shadow near

and not a shape

there is no one here, just empty space

not a mouse or mole to fill this place

not a bear, a bee, a bird, or ant

and I won’t stand it…i just can’t

Bitch!

Goddess of my morning
Devil of my dreams
Why am I surprised again?
It’s never like it seems..

I held onto your candle light
And set my hopes aflame
the dissapointment bothers me
But i’m the one to blame

I thought you were a martre,
an angle and a queen
my superstition blinded me
it was my fantastic dream

Goddess of the moonlight
Devil of the dark
Why.. like all you ate away at me
and extiquished every spark

I though you were a goddess
but you enchanted me you witch!
You aren’t just a devil
You’re really quite a bitch

Crystal Heart

Everything is made of crystal
light is broken
nothing will ever last
you will come to pass
golden heart
I find you are stone and glass

Everything is made of crystal
walls disappear
blue diverges into color
The color of your dying lips..
suffocated kiss

Everything is made of crystal
diamonds dancing in the sky
red evades the surface
color of the rain drops
color of your eyes

Everything is made of crystal
quite unclear and disconnected
yellow wanders far away
melted on the window pane
and from the start
it tears apart

Crystal Heart

it

tears apart
tears apart

Beginning of Winter

Frosted flakes of fallen snow
Which way does the wind blow?
Silver bells at every hour
Weather changes everything..

Frozen fingers; cold and bare
gloves enough for us to share
white winter will still the ground
love enough for golden sound
doorbells ring at every hour
weather changes everything…

Freezing windows, crisp new air
steam pavement; stiff stark hair
violet lips and burning toes
flushed red cheeks and a frosted nose
growing colder every hour
weather changes everything…

my college drinking habits

Winter chill awakens slumber
Broken arm; frozen breath
Drinks last night (a countless number)
A headache nears me to my death

Waking up on a grassy lawn
Scratches all down my leg
Great surprise to awake at dawn
It started with a keg

Vodka helped me find the floor
I sure know how to dance
I should have stopped but I had some more
I think I lost my pants

That happened? did I just forget?
Remember how I cried!
Did I do something that I might regret?
Shit dude, we almost died!

The Divine Comedy

I was walking down the sidewalk. Walking through the streets. Walking past the trees. Dante, Dante. I’ve only come to guide you through heaven.

I was walking near the ocean. Walking on the sand. Walking past the breeze. Dante, Dante. I’ve only come to open your eyes.

I will never be Beatrice. Never existing in perfection. Never being past the reality. Dante, Dante. I’ve only come to show you reality. That is perfection.

I broke the boundaries. Destroying routine lines. Living past the heaven. Dante, Dante. I’ve only come to reveal the world.

You live in paradiso. Living is Inferno. Being is past purgatorio. Dante, Dante. Laugh because that is the divine comedy.

Winter Thief

Embodied deep in winter snow 
The storm is at its core
The hours melt by sad and slow
A clock strikes half past four

Quite darkness reveals the night
Morning never rises
The room is black. The street is white.
The man wears dark disguises 

A thief steals hearts at five o’nine
He left a fiery chill
I feel the void, the heart was mine 
The storm, at last, is still

A Lesbian Fairy Tale

She wore bows in her hair

But he wasn’t man enough to dare

Leggings made him fly

He was just that kind of guy

 

Ribbons on her dress

Caused him distress

Gloves on her arms

Caused him alarm

Six perfected jewels

And two shoes that made him dance

 

Lover lost his chance

He lost his chance

 

She wore ribbons on her stockings

She wore silver painted jewels

All the men who really loved her

Knew in love that they were fools

 

Ribbons on her dress

Caused them distress

Gloves on her arms

Caused them alarm

Six perfected jewels

And two shoes that made them dance

 

Lovers lost their chance

They lost their chance

 

She wore diamond little slippers

She wore her hair up high to god

One day she found a lover

And surprise – her name was Maud

 

Maud wore ribbons on her stocking

Maud wore silver painted jewels

And when she finally found her

She realized both were no longer stuck with fools

 

Ribbons on her dress

Caused her to bless

Gloves on her arms

Gave up her charms

Twelve perfected jewels

Four shoes that made them dance

 

Lovers got a chance

They got a chance

Thoughts

A silver lining in the sky

Pressed the light against the glass

then fell 10,000 feet

only to surrender to the dark survivor

who then filled the sky with fragments of sparkled fire

the sparrows fled when the winds pushed away the clouds

The sun, broken on the earth

walked amongst the forgiving, forgotten by the living.

Change

Yesterday, I was walking along the coast.

Today, I woke up in the desert sand.

Yesterday, I was traveling all through Lebanon.

Today, I woke up in Japan.

Yesterday, I danced between the pyramids.

Today, I woke up near a church.

Yesterday, I found what I was looking for.

Today, I’m on a search.

Yesterday, I roamed the streets of a metropolis.

Today, I woke up near the sea.

Yesterday, I found myself in slavery.

Today, I woke up and I was free.

After a dream:

After a dream, I found myself naked in the kitchen with only an onion and an angle to keep me from drowning.

My instinct was to let go but in my dream there was an eagle and it roamed over mountains and it soared over lakes.

Only after an uncertain amount of time the eagle lost its flight and began to fall.

 

After a dream the onion became sour and brought water to my eyes.

It burned but I held on to keep from drowning.

The angle taunted me.

The burning grew, but I fought it because in my dream there was a desert flower and it stood tall in the vast, open sands.

Never brought down by unforeseen weather or unhappy creatures.

Only after an uncertain amount of time the flower died of thirsts.

The rain never came its way.

 

After a dream, I found myself naked in the kitchen with only an onion and an angle to keep me from drowning.